dream: was a supercross race (indoor). brother was lining up at the gates. he noticed there was a switch on his gate that would have prevented it from falling. me and my father were having some beers. i had been in a box with two ladies. there was a silicon goop mud bath in the floor, it had no frame, it just started. once the race started my brother was disappointed to find out it was no longer a supercross race but a video game where you race your ship through a doom-like labyrinth. i got upset that this is what counted for motocross these days. nothing is sacred. when i woke up the switch seemed easy from where i was. enlarge awareness into room. do not unfocus eyes. look outwards, until you see.

i am still not well. it is cold. it feels good to wire things. but i need to draw again. be dumb

c got this text to voice synth chip. seems right for ball game. was thinking through how to trigger the many sounds on it with few inputs. could very easily have an mp3 player module but this is more fun, the sounds are shredded lo res. i got multi channel midi going on the CP ln also. we listened to all the hits through the midi interpreter.

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what i am doing here is providing more information to increase the knot work

stuck in head on waking: loretta lynn coal miners daughter

remembered the added benefit of going home is that the room i stay in is haunted and last year i barely slept for several days, watching shadows move. anyway, all fogged up, today, now. friends in atl attacked at the neighborhood sports bar by some kind of racist jug head, during a diy show. im not sure what this accomplishes in the face of things like that. if i came across this page i certainly wouldnt read it. i'd probably skim around and think i should go on a walk. not to make it about me. though i am here writing on my website in my public journal all this damn tinkering pulling like frank caught by cenobyte chains. meanwhile money. is that the thing about painting? it's just painting. downright religious in its commitment, monastic in its solitarily submitted fealty. didnt i say something about high vibrational state for a month? i think what i had in mind was long short term memory. longer strings it's a daily recommitment. during the holidays? yesterday i did spend all day cleaning. like scrubbing things with bleach type cleaning. today's a freebie. there was a dream last night. car stolen from the parking lot of an indian restaurant in tallahasse. i was right that coffee upstairs would have me drink it without eating in the morning and then going insane. many emails and messages today, phone calls, two cups of that coffee, distracted, made my head spin. confused. meant to mail. invoiced? packaged books for CW. looked at the books and considered what's best. thought. didn't eat. should go to manhattan. committed to gallery sit rumplestiltskin saturday. i should walk there. going to walk there. saturday last night: added many nails to game. the princess switch w E. back into daily drawing? ymca? priority right now should be the strength of shoulders or something like that. ugh. blah. . going to do a bunch of push ups and buy groceries.

i thought of doing a piece with the volt sensitive glass that goes opaque with a charge, and there'd be a card reader off to the side where you can pay for 30 second viewing increments where the glass goes clear. there's a camera on it that watches your body position and makes you put your hands out and recognizes if you are trying to take a picture of it. if you are it will hide again. the scroll saw came yesterday as you can see, and excitement over the sudden expansion of possibilities has me making a huge mess. thought it was a good idea to do this in my bed room? my back is all fucked up because i keep working on the floor like a baby. my house is a disaster zone there's wood shavings everywhere. immediacy driving me to fatal ends. last night started messing with embedding 20x4 character screen in raised panel. i was learning the saw so things were lopsided but i leaned into it out of curiosity / necessity and actually fond of the softened edge. thinking about painting it then doing resin clear coat as way of making extra glossy. i think i text f too much. i watched many solenoid / relay videos last night daydreaming of my machines. soon, as intended, the tools will become a given, and the ideas will begin to speak. for now i throw everything against the wall. cook out drive through menus. atm machines. today i built a rough bagatelle/pachinko prototype in hopes that it will spark up c and i efforts. deeply, deeply inspiring to make this thing. i spent 2 hours at home depot pacing around thinking about how to make it work. the underpainting is not what it will be, but it was a fun back drop, it's one of my first attempts at using acrylic paint. it's hausner gradients. particular highlights are how the arch across the top works. it's a leftover embroidery hoop i had picked up to make more excess correlation devices. on the right side i sanded it into a point and then sawed a notch out of the edge so it sits there, then on the left placed a nail and notched the wood. the tension from it wanting to contract back into a circle holds it in place. the spring needs to be softer, but that was all i could find for now. the plunger handle needs to be a soft rubber grip. was able to make bouncers out of rubber band super glued to brass stand offs and wrapped around. super glue and rubber turns out, insane combination. melts together immediately. very handy. need to decide are the balls going to land in little cups / cubbies of nails, or fall through into a capture chamber. i need to "nail down" the physics, see where things land, then figure out the under painting. also need a looser spring, narrower launch channel. thought about embedding that motor i have into the center so as you launch there's a slowly spinning landscape change happening. em stopped by after work to eat our pot roast and walked on my back to help my back because of my child behavior.

notes

notes

notes

i was with person A in a hotel, an office worker i was in a relationship with. person b, a stranger, kept walking by the window glaring inside walking a small dog. person B finally stops at the window and walks through the wall. very frightened i stumble over my words. she sits down. she reveals she is person A in the future. she instructs me to shift through perspectives about my relationship to person A and see how it effects her (person B) in real time. i see how small shifts in my feelings for person A and our relationship drastically shift the appearance and demeanor of her future self: person B (who feels like a teaching entity that has come to tell me something).

LT was driving me and LC to malibu. LC was falling asleep in the back seat. We had had In+Out. A conversation something about what it means to be special. I asked LC if they were special, as a joke to rouse them. Something they said about stable internal attachment to an unmoving figure, keeps coming up. i wonder if any lurking reader here will ever have the courage to comment. you are anonymous you know, dear reader, and I am not.

last night spent far too late doing save refresh spinning on bone doctor and added a "dig all" option animation, and something like 4000 names to the grave label mix, and birth death years to the labels and a fence around the graveyard, and darkened all the colors. when the tunnel presents itself, always go in. when i woke up i ran. i called em and told her i dont care if i get sick i dont like you being home alone sick it is sad. i worked. i fixed errors. i talked to ____ at work for an hour. we shared grievances. it felt holiday. i received an electric kettle, a soldering upgrade, 30awg wire, brass stand-offs, temporary contact buttons, 6x 20x40 lcd character displays. i bought pot roast materials at the new massive bizarre grocery store "Global Food Market" in our neighborhood. i told MS who told me about it. we laughed about how the fish guy was confused at both of us for being shocked by the fish section. they have black sea bass? piles of them. em got here. we puttered. i talked to my mom on the phone while em bought train tickets home. we talked of the darkness of that, of holiday. i came to some place about giving, and felt much better. we watched: james bond octopussy. ichi the killer. some of Egg (2005). some of perfect lives while she fell asleep. while i wired an RP4020 breakout headers and then to some lcds. turns out the i2c addresses are all the same, makes sense. but theres some pads on the board you can solder together to change the addresses. i wrote a script to scroll through the lyrics of The Fall's English Scheme. There is a great sense of satisfaction arising from beginning to fulfill the flash given to me on the train to the airport in paris on one hour of sleep, of my Lament Configurations.

weird

mostly looking forward to seeing Em. and making a pot roast and watching Rumours and terrible lifetime movies for a few days, painting. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= today i lost my phone in the house again for several hours. when i finally happened across it (i wasn't looking), it was face down and i picked it up and immediately started ringing, E was calling. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= just looked at ig for 15 minutes, mostly checking my dms and then someone sent me a post so i was morbidly ingesting some baked dumb ass art '__________' affiliated account. these people are insane and addicted to feeling in touch with micro discourse. do they not know that they are being used? is it all training of audience the way that universities train artists to interface with the market? do they know you can just make art and not know what everyone is talking about? what are they afraid of? losing relevance? who ever wanted that anyways? art is in spite of relevance, it should not want it. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= anyway so that evidently upset me so =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= earlier i read Weismann's latest on 'Working On My Skateboarding' and that by contrast made me feel quite pleasant and wishing i was in some small new england town instead of this dark circuit board =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= found a small motor in the trash. plugs right into the wall. biked to hardware store. the sky was extremely gothic. it struck me how black early winter can be here, and so early. the traffic was frightening. i wired the motor to a switch and mounted to a 8x10 panel with the driving spindle poking through. not sure where that'll go. satisfied some urge. i spilled mineral water on the wood floor and the bubbling sound was so nice i let it sit there for a while so i could listen to it. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= i will oil paint now before i fall asleep. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

every time i travel or finish a big thing, it's like rebuilding my entire reality out of nothing. i could read this as "in touch with the void" or as "too in touch with material". it is coming back together now, thanks to reduced input. thank you void =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= i think everyone just ignores the type script errors in this one file we all work on. regardless of the products dubious purpose and my own predisposition for wild west behavior, it disturbs me =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "no one lights a lamp to put it under a tub; they put it on the lampstand where it shines for everyone in the house... do not hide the gift that you have received from me, but give it to all who desire it" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TODO: 1. finish up score history screen for BD (add scrolling). 2. start painting =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= i am going to make my own cell phone that i carry around in a box like a tool box. it will ring with a bell like a rotary phone. it will have a full keyboard for texting. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

travelled. had to play bass in strange play in a wal mart. Zan was singing. bass was going through pitch shifter. there was a storm. i had flown. then had to drive an suv 20 hours to austin texas. there was a storm. phone kept directing me to the pentagon.

have another work meeting at 420pm. am treated vaguely poorly. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= talk to em. eat the stew. meditate for 2 hours. i see the paintings. i am drawn into questions of "why", and swim past the confusion. i am told to remove my self and then because. i am encouraged to "reduce input". =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= i wake up bubbly and disoriented and call EBN. We talk for two hours while he benches and I stretch a canvas. of the because, as always. we hang up. i eat a sandwich and prime the canvas. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= i order a scroll saw and a bunch of 16x20 character blue lcd screens. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= there came something on the plane home from california, and then of learning of the spellers. the reduction and destruction in language, and the question, what about an art without symbols? i have been deeply in the muck this year. i have sought to wire them up to reveal their lack. but i could just not use them. i see a path in pursuing truth void of symbol or image through commitment to visual attraction. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= i talk to em again. it's 11:17pm now. I look at photos of windows I have taken. I read pseudo macarius. we're planning a pot roast.

done work. made a stew. taking a doze. thinking about oil painting. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

*

grasping any fraction of the vast possibilities of reality, my agency within it, and deciding to post on my website

1

TODO: start readings collection here: re-upload this https://archive.org/details/project-aquarius-document/page/n61/mode/2up

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= entering vibrating hibernal state for at least one month starting now. looks like running and cold showers and replacing "consumptive" behavior with blankness when alone, ejecting entries here compulsively. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Vic (@) had a baby in an RV it had big floppy eyes like an AI baby a murderer kept jumping up on a balcony chasing me, we had some plan for finishing him NB had photography show, walking down path. the RV was on the side of a highway outside of LA

This morning I was thinking about KRF and T and then they called me to go get coffee. Then I was making a coloring book at lunch time for E because she is sick and for whatever reason I thought to put bi-planes in it. When I brought it to her she was looking at bi-planes and has been thinking about them all day. We talked about curious why everyone is getting into pachinko machines suddenly this year. Tried to use our 3D printer to fabricate my opto-isolator for fiber optic art and it is a bit of a piece of junk that I gave up. I fell asleep on the floor and woke myself up snoring. Then just now I was taking a shower and thought of MS and I got out of the shower and they had texted me, and now I'm going to eat lentils at their house. C is playing at HB, using the note player on card computer i made yesterday. I will stop by later? =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

parts list so far as i can tell

z

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